Living In The Moment

I sometimes feel as though I am walking on the outside looking in at my life, especially when change happens. And as a momma of 4 children, my life changes as much as they do. I have to remind myself every day, "Change isn't bad, it's just different." You would think after telling my 11 year old that on a constant basis, I wouldn't have to tell myself so often. Right now I have 2 in middle school, 1 in elementary school and 1 in preschool. That means in any given day, I am dealing with boys who need to shower, a son who doesn't deal with any kind of change well, a daughter wondering why her body has to change and teaching the ABCs to the little one. My church serving has changed a lot here lately too, and that seems to throw me off a bit. For 1 I am doing less (I know, sounds good - but feels weird), I am not planning lessons, or holding a crying baby. I am not getting phone calls at 2am from teenagers or walking them through the hard conversations with their parents. I seem to be in a season of relaxation with helping my husband run Hospitality and singing. I clean the church too, that means I have a lot of alone time, time with my thoughts...

If you know me at all, you know I live in nostalgia. I love all those "remember whens" that happen in our life. I love reliving Alex singing to me when he was 11 months old "I love you" from the song Silly Love Songs by Paul McCartney. Or Replaying the movie in my mind of Tylor letting go of his Aunt Hollie at 7 months old and running to me. I love to hear that 1st cry from Melodey when she was born so early and that feeling of rest in God's arms when she was healthy just like God told us she would be. Or the judge having us raise our right hands and promise to love and care for and protect our sweet baby like she was one of our birth children. I relive that fist kiss, the "I do" from our wedding, the 1st time we held hands. Every time I sing to God, I relive that moment I gave Him my heart.

But there is a flip side to that. I have a tendency to relive every bad thought of someone, every horrible conversation, every heartbreak, like it just happened. I take on other's offenses and carry them around like a heavy load that only I can carry. I relive lost loved ones, broken friendships, hard conversations and cry with fresh tears like it just happened.

And then I hear a soft still voice remind me His load is easy and I need to trade with him. Jesus reminds us that He wants to take our load and give us His. And for a moment I feel guilt for picking that hurt back up and then just like that I am resting in His arms, knowing that I am going to be okay, because I have Him. And then life goes back to normal.

I usually go right in and hug mu husband, kiss my children and remember that I am living in today. I am going to enjoy this moment, this day, that God gave me and I am going to make more memories that I want to relive and retell. Life isn't easy, but when He is your 1st love, you know that your life will bring you satisfaction. He promises that in His Word and I for one am going to stand on that word.

Take a moment and take a breath and give it to Him....even if you did yesterday and then picked it back up. He never says "nah, you wanted it back, you keep the hurt." NOPE! Every time He say "give it to me, I will carry the load, you enjoy the life I gave you."